Fresh

Yesterday, on a walk in a different street from my usual route, I noticed how a simple ranch style 1950's house looked like some kind of confection with its light cream colored siding, white trim surrounded by pristine white snow and dusted with snow on its roof. Although it could have been bland, it sort of glowed. I don't know if the owners intended it to look so sweet like that in the winter time, or maybe it was just me or the way the light happened to hit it at that moment. The clean simplicity was refreshing to see.

Next month, I'm going to be studying Cynthia Heald's bible study "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity". I'm not sure what to expect, but right now I'm desiring a change in my life towards scaling down on things that are becoming clutter, emotionally and physically.

I'm at the point right now in my life that there is just too much accummulation. I don't know how it all got here (not by me, surely?) but I want so badly to get rid of it. If my pack rat hubby would allow it! This will be an interesting process.

Time to Take a Break

I finished a stretch of work days, including Sunday, in a row. I woke up this morning with a head cold. I needed a day of rest. And today was that day. Right now, the Christmas tree lights are on as the winter's day darkens early. I don't regret my decision at all, except that I have a lot of stuff to do and people to see. It's Erin's birthday and two young women from India want to learn how to bake Christmas cookies (and I want to learn their delectible cuisine as well). Oh yeah, and all those Christmas things that are currently not marked off my list yet.

Charlie Brown's Christmas CD just finished and Yo-yo Ma and his friends are currently on the player with mellow holiday music. Dennis is making chicken stir-fry for dinner (he learned how a few months ago) and I'm looking pretty chic with my hair still sticking straight up from a bad case of bed head. It goes well with my comfy attire--grey cotton pants, black tank top with a black v-neck sweater over it and fluffy baby blue slippers. They didn't have pink in my size at Meijers. But blue will do.

Dennis had a second interview today for a job that we both are pretty excited about. And it sounds like they are excited about him. I guess we can officially say that Dennis will be working at the YMCA (and getting free membership at the gym!! ). In February at the latest, we may be hearing back about another opportunity that might involve us with international students on a deeper level. This would be a step of faith for both of us, as it would mean raising support for awhile.

As for me, I'm feeling better already.

"...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content..." Philipppians 4:11

Beauty with Brains

CBS ran a story on its "Early Show" about the 10 most stupid and the 10 smartest dog breeds. Ginger (our golden retriever) got beat by the German Shepherds, Poodles (!) and those dang Border Collies as fourth most intelligent dog. Check it out here.

The Little Drummer Boy

"The Little Drummer Boy" was the first Christmas song that I remember affecting me when I was a little girl. I didn't totally understand it, but the idea of someone longing to give something of worth to an infant touched my heart. The story's resolution of the baby acknowledging and accepting the poor child's gift of himself mirrored my own longing to be seen and appreciated.

The artist Jeff Scher's rendition in the video's animation is focused on friends and family making connections with each other and re-establishing bonds, what makes us feel loved. It also reminds me of Christina Rosetti's poem "In The Bleak Midwinter" another soul who also had nothing to give the baby Jesus and found his answer in giving Him his heart. And I really don't know any better way to celebrate Christmas other than opening the door of my heart to the Lord and to others.

Jesus often spoke of having faith like little children in order to enter into God's kingdom, and the style of Jeff Scher's animation in this music video evokes that point of view for me. Such a simple song, simply sung and simply illustrated with many layers of spiritual meaning, at least to me.

Reality Check

What is going on with the LeBlanc's right now? We are struggling and getting blessed at the same time, as well as prayerfully and hopefully blessing others.

Dennis lost his job. And it turned out to be not the end of the world. He's studying for selling insurance again, for Aflac, and after the test will be trained in January. There are many more possibilities as well. More about those later. It's been comforting to see God work these things out for good.

Before he was fired, Dennis knew for a long time that it was coming. He was thinking that it would happen in January, but was shocked that it happened a lot sooner. But he saved a lot of money to prepare for a long haul, at least a year. That shocked me. He spent many months telling me we can't afford this or that. Honestly, he didn't mean to be secretive. He just did what he always does--he tells me every once in awhile and I forgot about it.

Initially, I was upset, though, even when he told me we had a financial cushion. We had a nice routine going, and it was a challenge to my sense of security that his paychecks were coming to an end. He was saving money even by walking or biking to work. A few weeks ago, on my way home from work, I was panicing in my car while waiting for a light to turn green. Dennis had no job, bills would be coming soon and how long could our savings hold out if something went terribly wrong? I suddenly felt very vulnerable.

And really, that is the truth, we are all vulnerable. This was not a bad thing to realize. I calmed down with the thought that we would do our best, and that Dennis needed my encouragement. After the light turned, it hit me that I needed to depend on God more than I knew. My focus had to be on God's faithfulness to His children, even if things are really difficult. In the meantime, Dennis and I had to proceed wisely and work hard.

A couple of days ago, we crunched our numbers on our budget status. We made some hard decisions. We are going to do our best to remedy the situation, and trust God for strength to keep going. But all around, we are fine. I am so thankful.

Dylan in Detroit...

last night and I didn't go.

Dennis was out of town and I had to be at work relatively early this morning. No reviews on Boblinks yet, but the set list is posted. There is one that I would have loved to hear live "The Man in Me" which he doesn't play often--and it was from his "New Morning" album that could be best described as a bit uneven and probably experimental. I have the CD and it isn't one I choose to listen to very often. But I like "The Man in Me" which was a song that the Coen brothers used in their quirkily weird film "The Big Lebowski", picked by T-Bone Burnett who was in charge of the music.

I'm listening to it now on bobdylan.com, and I am now really wishing that I had gone. But it wouldn't have been the same without Dennis, who's starting to appreciate Dylan's music (he downloads it onto his ipod shuffle that I gave him a few Christmases ago).

Lyrics:

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there's little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

Storm clouds are raging all around my door,
I think to myself I might not take it any more.
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me.

But, oh, what a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near,
Sets my a heart a-reeling
From my toes up to my ears.

The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

And I have a feeling that it would've sounded like this:

Yes, it doesn't sound like "New Morning", but I like fact that Dylan is creative. Nothing is set in stone, not even the lyrics. And so it sounds fresh, making us all wonder who is the lady he's singing about.

Although Dennis wasn't able to go and I had to work the next day, I still could have gone. However, I had already decided not to go anyway. I nearly went, and had choice seats picked out on Ticketmaster but gave them up--temptation was pretty strong. I was concerned about turning Bob Dylan into an idol in my heart, where he would become larger in my heart than God. He's a person, imperfect and weak. Not worthy of devotion and worship. But I would like to think that his music points my heart and soul in the right direction, towards Him who lived and died for me, and Whom I need desparately.

Save the Date

Empty Bowls

A fundraiser for hunger relief

6:00 – 8:00 pm, November 13, 2009

At University Reformed Church

4930 South Hagadorn, East Lansing
Suggested donations:$5 for meal only

Free meal for children 10 and under, or those experiencing financial hardship

$15 for each bowl
Individuals and families are encouraged to attend.

Come anytime between 6:00 – 8:00 for as long or as short as your schedule allows!

Brief presentation at 7:00.
Bowls created and donated by artists and friends of Reach Studio Art Center

I will be bringing Moosewood's Gentle Lentil Soup to share, made with petite french green lentils, and aromatic vegtables in a savory red wine and herb broth. Other soups will be available as well to choose from.

Infertility

One of the many things that have assured me that the Bible is true is the story of Hannah in First Samuel. Hannah is an infertile woman living in an ancient society that places feminine worth in those who produce children. The description of her inconsolable depression is pretty accurate, I get Hannah. She is my kindred spirit.

I've changed a lot over the years, and infertility has a lot to do with it. When I asked God to get me married, I was ready for it and the whole raising a family package. I spent most of my late 20's and early 30's bracing myself for an onslaught of offspring that never came. My late 30's consisted of fertility treatments and working towards a plan for adoption.

My body and our financial situation weren't co-operating with our goals and desires. As we got older, I got more inward with my disillusionment and pretty much packed away my hopes for a family. How does one cope when things don't go the way she wants them to?

Hannah laid her heart at the feet of God with a remarkable prayer. She became peaceful and joyful before she became pregnant, which pretty much means she was liberated from her own desires to be validated as a woman--God validated her by listening to her, and her response was a trusting calmness. If she did not have a baby, fine. If she did, the baby was not hers, but God's. The ball was in God's court.

She came to a point where children were not the objective, but God's glory was. She could not fill her empty life or empty womb, but God filled her empty heart. She was not like Rachel who screamed "Give me children or else I'll die!" with a hunger that was not placated with her sons nor with family power plays against Leah's children.

No. Hannah was fulfilled and a fulfilled woman loves in a way that doesn't attempt to wring self worth out of others, things, sacrifices and everything that has to go her way. She didn't care about Penninah's cruelty or her society's obsession with family. But she knew that she was cared for by One who controlled all things, whether her desire was realized or not.

I'm glad that God not only gave her one child--whom she dedicated to be raised in His temple--but many afterward. She gave God what she desired most, because her desires were not about herself anymore but about honoring Him. And He honored her in return. It didn't have to be more children, it could have been anything that spoke to her of His love for her. She had Him, and He was worth more to her than a hundred children.

Infertility is frustrating, because despite all the medical technology out there, the results of treatments are unpredictable. No woman is the same. Reproduction is a delicate and complicated process that we take for granted because there's a ton of people on this planet and pregnant ladies everywhere. When everything goes right, it actually is quite a miracle. And most doctors seem pretty much like they are guessing when it comes to treating infertility which works out for a blessed few who stick it out through a lot of ups and downs.

Right now, Dennis and I are experiencing a lot of the instability that is in today's economy. We are wondering what the next step for us will be. There is a lot we can do, though, that others our age cannot. So, if you are thinking that I have sunk into passive resignation, think again. I'm on the brink of a very exhilerating high dive of faith.